The Script Called for it: A Day in The Life of Santa Claus

Lets.SlopEmUp.com · The Script Called for it: A Day in The Life of Santa Claus

 

AghRlGBh-rhaaaaaaajhklem-m-m. Aduther sunny day in paradise. I hope I don't kill too many fuckers today.

    

"I Sued AOL Blast for $2 mil. and won. How to increase your rate based off your quote. My Personal Guide to Financial and Acting Success."

I Think You Should Leave. Created by Tim Robinson & Zach Kanin, Lonely Island Classics & Irony Point & Zanin Corp, 2019-

        As the legend foretold, a great Santa would come one day that would kick some ass. The universe has a very peculiar way of making things happen. Particularly the love of my life, Mrs. Claus- she of course gets, and totally supports, my acting career. Ya you know, she's ok if a scene calls for sex in the future. I asked. I had to made sure, I had to made it known-

 

that if I get involved in a scene, and I'm wrapped up in character, I'm totally disconnected and just doing what God is telling me to do. Act.

        So, I looked at her, I said "Sugarcookie, I need a 100% ok from you, Christmas is around the corner.  I need to put food on the table and I have a lot of bills hanging over-head from my recent L.A. Shangri-La retreat (where I actually got to play basketball with Shaquille O'Neal). I'm the breadwinner here, and some people are willing to pay to see me play if you know what I'm sayin'." I licked my lips because they were dry.  Chicks dig a man who's not afraid to sensualize the lips.  After everything, she was a little disappointed, but I got the pass boys.

        But umm,. . . odd. I usually have more going on in my mind than the average person but right now I can't think of a damn thing.

1:24 A.M.

        Ok, I'm back, got some milk and cookies. I've been thinkin' about losin' a little weight recently. Apparently, I can make every Christmas miracle except for the cure for Type II diabetes. You know, I would personally, kick the crap outta the guy that invented that. That's just the Crashmore in me. 

2:48 A.M.

        I swear, sometimes it's both 

a blessing and a curse to be this talented. It's like I'm living all of the characters in my mind at all times. It's sort of a gumbo in a way, as you can preemptively select and choose individual traits that you acquired from the job. Kind of superpower-like, definitely a little 

evil-villain.

4:27 A.M.

Detective Crashmore is not just an inspiration to kids and aspiring actors around the globe. He is an emotional genius who has seduced his life into an ever-shrinking role of class acts that will go down in history with the all time greats.

If you want to hear the final and complete version of the Cosmic Journey series, show the page(s) some love and I'll post it this week.